In my Mind but not my Heart

I took my first apologetics class in 8th grade and the most powerful insight I have held onto ever since only took my teacher 5 seconds to say: no one believes in God because they lost an argument. I did not realize how much of a reality this would become at the time.

I am big on the logic side of everything and to me God just makes sense; but that is all.  I have attended Christian institutions since elementary school so God is not foreign to my mind. The problem I find myself in is that he is foreign to my heart.

Out of my Christian high school I came to a Christian college hoping to find God. People all around me seem to have a connection to what I can only perceive as God. I long to not only understand this connection but to feel it. My teachers and professors have said many times that it does not matter how much your mind knows God, what matters is how much your heart knows God.

The last few years of my life I have been searching for God where I think he should be. A friend one time said to me out of the blue when college searching came around senior year that “everyone is searching for something in life, most just in the wrong place”. It finally makes sense. The beauty of God is that he is where he shouldn’t be.

Looking back it is obvious now that I won’t find God where I expect him to be. Jesus was always with those who were looked down upon by the rest of society. Even the phrases asked questions as to the friends he chose. It’s counterintuitive but it still makes sense; medicine is only given to the sick.

People are always giving me advice, so here’s my way of giving back: If God isn’t real to you, look for him where you know he can’t be because water is so much more precious in a desert.

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